200 Harley Street: The Tortured Hero Read online

  He was damaged and, damn it, she deserved someone whole.

  Someone who had their whole heart to give.

  He was waiting for her to say something; she could tell. But there were no words, just a heart that was crumbling in her chest. So she turned and walked away.

  * * *

  There was a knock at Ethan’s door at six o’clock the next night. He’d been prowling around his living area non-stop since he’d walked in half an hour ago, and a bottle of whisky was sitting on the kitchen bench.

  He felt restless and edgy, but every time he stopped to pour himself a drink he realised he didn’t want it. He wished he did—he wished he could drink the whole damn thing and forget about Olivia dancing with every man at the ball.

  He didn’t know why this was making him so crazy, but he knew whisky wasn’t going to make it better.

  Right now all he wanted to do was go to Olivia’s place, drag her into his arms and kiss her senseless. That was what he craved more than whisky.

  But he didn’t have the right. He couldn’t offer her what she needed. What she deserved.

  Leo was standing on his doorstep in a tux when Ethan opened to the second knock. As if he needed another reminder of the ball. ‘You really didn’t have to dress to come see me,’ Ethan said derisively.

  ‘I didn’t wear this for you, brother dear. My wife usually lasts an hour with me in a tux before she wants me out of it. My motives are purely ulterior.’

  Ethan screwed up his face. ‘Too much information,’ he said, standing aside, indicating for his brother to come in and following Leo’s broad shoulders down the short hallway into the living area. ‘Did Lizzie send you?’

  It had been a clinic day for him today, and Lizzie had been relentless in her campaign to have both Hunter men in tuxes representing the Hunter Clinic at the ball.

  ‘Yes.’

  Ethan gave a half laugh, half snort at the bald admission. ‘I’m not going to the damn ball.’

  Leo folded his arms and didn’t look as if he was going to be moving any time soon. Not without Ethan anyway. ‘She’s going to be annoyed with me if I don’t show up with you.’

  ‘Well, only for an hour, by the sounds of it. I’m sure you can tough it out. Flirt with her a little. You might be able to get her out of there in under an hour.’

  Leo chuckled and Ethan felt a pang at how obviously happy his brother was to be under the thumb. Ethan watched him stroll towards the kitchen bench, hands in his pockets.

  ‘Good to see you actually have your own whisky instead of always relying on my stash,’ he said as he took his hands out and lifted the bottle, inspecting the label. ‘You planning on drinking all of this tonight?’

  Ethan looked at Leo. He read the unspoken thoughts in his brother’s eyes as the spectre of their father rose between them. ‘No.’ Although a few weeks back he would have given it a good shake.

  Leo nodded. He put the bottle down, then perched himself on one of the bar stools. ‘Okay. So what’s going on with you?’ He held up a hand as Ethan started to interrupt. ‘I know you and I don’t really do this...talking stuff...but I do hope you know you can talk to me?’

  Ethan regarded his brother steadily. He looked uncomfortable, and Ethan knew it couldn’t have been easy for Leo to initiate this. They’d had some frank discussions in the last six months. Got a lot of things out in the open. Told some home truths. But those had eventuated from tense, heated conversations. None of them had started out as a simple, ‘What’s going on with you?’

  And then a thought struck him and he narrowed his eyes. ‘Has Olivia been talking to you?’ She wouldn’t say anything, surely?

  Leo frowned. ‘No.’ He looked at his brother speculatively. ‘What about?’ He sat up straighter. ‘Is everything okay?’

  Olivia’s voice played through Ethan’s head.

  ‘Don’t you think that Leo should at least know?’

  ‘He’s your family, Ethan.’

  ‘You share this kind of stuff with each other.’

  ‘No...she’s fine... We had a talk yesterday, that’s all. She kind of told me off.’

  Leo chuckled. ‘She’s pretty good at that from what I remember. I don’t think anyone can say the word toxic with quite as much disgust dripping from it as Olivia.’

  Ethan gave a half-smile. She had given them both a right dressing-down that day. ‘She reckons I should tell you about what happened to me on tour.’

  Leo shook his head. ‘I know what happened, Ethan. The papers gave a pretty good rundown of it and your injuries speak for themselves. I think I can fill in the gaps. I don’t want you to rehash it if you don’t want to.’

  ‘Not about that,’ Ethan said. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed two crystal tumblers from one of the overhead cupboards—this was going to require some alcoholic fortification.

  He cracked the lid on the bottle of whisky and splashed a couple of fingers in each glass. His hand shook. He couldn’t believe he was about to open up to Leo. Prior to three days ago no one had known about Aaliyah, and now not only did Olivia know, he was about to tell Leo also.

  But Olivia was right—they were brothers, and if he wanted their relationship to continue, to thrive and grow instead of always being stilted...

  And he did want that, he realised.

  He pushed a glass towards Leo before swallowing half of his down. ‘There was a woman...’ he said.

  Leo looked at Ethan. ‘Oh,’ he said, and swallowed half of his whisky down too.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  FOR THE NEXT fifteen minutes Ethan talked and Leo listened. Ethan was grateful for his silence. It enabled him to tell the story of him and Aaliyah in his own words and it all just tumbled out.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Leo said, when Ethan seemed to have talked himself dry.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I wish you’d told me earlier.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Ethan acknowledged as he stared into the depths of the whisky he was swirling in his glass. ‘Sorry...’

  Leo shrugged it off. ‘And Olivia knows?’

  Ethan nodded grimly. ‘She does now.’

  ‘She loves you, you know?’

  Ethan glanced up sharply at his brother, pleased he didn’t have a mouthful of drink. His heart leapt painfully in his chest at the possibilities. At the impossibilities.

  ‘She told you that?’

  Leo shook his head. ‘No. Of course not. But I’ve seen Olivia in love with you once before, remember? I know what that looks like.’

  Ethan shut his eyes. If anybody knew after their love triangle debacle, it was Leo. This was bad. He’d seen the other day how her compassion for what he’d been through had melted her heart. Hardly surprising—Olivia always had been one of the most empathetic people he’d ever known. She’d told him ten years ago that his big wounded eyes were what had attracted him to her.

  And he’d been aware of the slippery slope. That was why he’d warned her about building castles in the sky.

  But if he’d known...if he’d suspected...

  What? He’d have been more direct? More direct than I’m damaged goods and Steer clear? The truth was his biggest fear was that he wouldn’t have. That he would have ruthlessly taken advantage of her like he had a decade ago. For some reason she’d got back under his skin and he was beginning to crave her more than he’d ever craved whisky.

  Ethan shook his head, pushing away the thought, clinging to the memory of the woman he loved. ‘I love Aaliyah.’

  Leo quirked an eyebrow. ‘Are you telling me or yourself?’

  Ethan glared at his brother as thunderclouds gathered in his gut. ‘I would be very careful what you say next.’

  Leo didn’t look remotely concerned. ‘You think you can only ever love one person, Ethan? Just stop f
or a moment and think about how crazy that is. That means I’d still be hung up on Olivia and have no room for Lizzie.’

  Ethan’s hand tightened around his glass. The idea of Leo and Olivia clawed at his gut with about the same ferocity as the shame he felt at his actions a decade ago. ‘You didn’t love Olivia.’

  ‘No. But I could have. If she hadn’t been so gung-ho about you.’

  Ethan looked down into his drink. ‘I’m sorry about that. She really deserved you more than me.’

  Leo nodded. ‘That’s very true.’

  Ethan glanced up, startled, then saw the smile on his brother’s face and returned it with a grudging one of his own.

  ‘Look, Ethan, if this Aaliyah was as amazing and compassionate as she sounds do you think she would have wanted you to never love again? To never be loved? Would you have wanted that for her if, God forbid, it had been you that had stayed behind in the hospital that day?’

  Ethan held his brother’s gaze, the truth of what he was saying looming large in his brain. Of course Aaliyah wouldn’t have wanted that. And nor would he. She’d been a wonderful, passionate, beautiful woman. For her never to have found someone else to share that with would have been a travesty.

  ‘No,’ he conceded.

  ‘I think she’d be pretty annoyed about it, don’t you?’

  Ethan looked into his heart. Aaliyah had been very passionate and opinionated—annoyed was probably a mild descriptor.

  But still he couldn’t let go. ‘I can’t... I feel like I’m betraying her.’

  ‘Why is it a betrayal?’ Leo demanded. ‘Loving again after death and heartache and your whole world going to hell? That’s resurrection, Ethan. That’s affirmation that the love you felt for Aaliyah wasn’t something wasted and lost forever. It honours her memory. It says that loving Aaliyah was so amazing it was worth all the heartache. That love is worth it.’

  Ethan’s head buzzed at his brother’s reasoning.

  ‘And can you look at me—really look at me,’ Leo said, ‘and tell me you don’t feel anything for Olivia.’

  Ethan knew he couldn’t do that. His feelings for Olivia had been churning inside him for weeks now, and were becoming more and more muddled since they’d ended up all over each other in his bed. He’d been pushing them away, holding them back, because of the guilt he felt about Aaliyah.

  But what if Leo was right? What if there was more than one person for everyone? What if loving again honoured his love for Aaliyah instead of betraying it.

  What if he could love Olivia without betraying Aaliyah?

  ‘Tell me what you’ve been feeling since you told Olivia about Aaliyah.’

  Ethan dragged in a breath, still trying to wrap his head around the revelations of the night. ‘I feel...lighter...better. Like a weight’s been lifted. I’ve carried it around so long it felt like a block around my neck. I’ve been sleeping so much better. And I haven’t had a drop to drink since I told her until now.’

  ‘I think that’s called catharsis. Interesting choice of who you chose to tell first, don’t you think?’

  Ethan shrugged. ‘I guess.’

  Leo looked at his brother and Ethan felt as if he was being weighed up. ‘A little while back you pretty much told me I’d be a fool to let Lizzie out of my life, and so now I’m here, telling you the same thing. I think you love Olivia, but you’re too screwed up by your past—not just what happened on tour, but before, way before that, with Mum and Dad—and too frightened of the future to admit it. But make no mistake: you are a fool if you let her get away a second time. Life’s short, Ethan. You know that more intimately than anyone. Don’t blow it by clinging to somebody who you know, deep down, wouldn’t ask you for that sacrifice.’

  Ethan felt a heat spreading in his chest as possibilities bloomed. Was Leo right? Did he love Olivia? He’d studiously avoided any deep emotional attachment to her last time because his agenda with her had had nothing to do with love.

  But there’d been no agenda this time.

  He tried to push the spreading heat, the possibilities back—he’d really screwed up with Olivia again. ‘I think I may have blown any chance with her, Leo.’

  ‘Yeah, knowing you, you’ve been a complete idiot,’ Leo agreed. ‘But love forgives, Ethan. Above all, love forgives.’

  Leo was looking straight into his eyes and Ethan felt as if his brother wasn’t just referring to the situation between him and Olivia. ‘You should write for Hallmark,’ he joked, because the enormity of what he was contemplating was too, too much.

  Leo rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, yeah.’

  But then suddenly it seemed right. As if something that had been holding impossibly tight in his gut had just twanged free.

  ‘I love her,’ Ethan said, and it came out on such a pent-up rush of emotion he felt as if he’d just breathed his heart up and it was lying on the marble benchtop between them.

  He felt panicked and afraid, but also...hopeful.

  It took a few moments but Leo smiled at him. Slowly at first, and then bigger, almost in time with the love blooming inside Ethan’s chest.

  ‘Well, let’s go and get her, then.’ Leo grinned, swallowing the dregs of his drink in one hit. ‘Come on, Cinderella, you shall go to the ball. Where’s your tuxedo?’

  * * *

  Olivia had never felt this alone in a room full of people in her life. She could see her reflection in the French doors of the opulent room, and even sipping champagne in a group of people she looked so damn forlorn not even she could bear to look at herself.

  Kara had picked out the perfect frock for her—a purple frothy gown with shoestring straps that crisscrossed at her cleavage and spilled down into a full gauzy skirt with thousands of diamantés sewn into it. They shone like stars in the light from the expensive crystal chandeliers. It sat low on her back, making a bra impossible, and brushed against the floor.

  She’d twisted her hair up into a hasty knot because she’d been too despondent to wash it, and the only accessories she’d indulged in were a touch of lip gloss and her opal ring.

  Kara had exclaimed at how stunning she’d looked when Olivia had made her entrance, and every available man in the room, and a lot of the not so available ones, most certainly agreed. Her dance card was full. Olivia hoped that was just from opportunity rather than from word getting around that she was auditioning men to take home.

  She wasn’t going home with anyone.

  In fact she was counting down the minutes until it might seem respectable enough for her to leave. Alone. When would it be okay to plead a headache and slip out through the door?

  She hated that she felt so down. The ballroom was lit by thousands of tiny lights, like a fairy kingdom, and the band that was playing soft melodic jazz would at any other time have delighted her. Hell, the whole room was a visual feast, with the lights and the decorations from something out of A Midsummer’s Night Dream not to mention the beautiful array of colourful fabrics swirling around.

  Gorgeous women sparkled and dashing men dazzled in their elegant tuxedoes. Normally she would have been in her element.

  But tonight, despite no shortage of men to dance with, she could barely raise a smile.

  Her reflection mocked her. What did you expect? And it was right. She shouldn’t have expected anything. But a part of her had, deep, deep down, hoped that Ethan would swing by and pick her up. That he would gallantly announce that he was her date and the only man she would be going home with.

  God! She was such a sucker for a happy ending. And there was nothing like a grand ball to stir that old chestnut.

  The man was damaged beyond repair, for crying out loud. And his heart was buried in an ancient arid landscape with a woman she could never compete with.

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  The lights blurred and formed stars
before her eyes as she rapidly blinked back even more stupid tears. This had to stop. She was lucky—things were going well. Ama’s surgery had been a success, she and Ril were settled with their host family and Fair Go was thriving.

  So many more people in the world had it so much worse—Ama was a classic example of that. She should be deliriously happy.

  And she was. But there was an emptiness inside her as well. And there was only one thing that could fill it.

  Ethan.

  Ethan freaking Hunter.

  ‘I do believe you promised me a dance.’

  Olivia was dragged from her introspection by a sexy Irish accent. She smiled at the familiar face—a nice-looking man, with kind, flirty eyes.

  Far better than dull, lifeless eyes. This man looked as if he knew how to laugh and show a girl a good time.

  ‘I do believe you’re right,’ she said.

  He told her his name was Aidan as he led her to the floor, and when they found some available space he took her in his arms and held her at a comfortable distance. They made some polite chit-chat for a few moments.

  ‘So,’ Aidan said. ‘You and Ethan, huh?’

  Olivia almost tripped over his feet. It was on the tip of her tongue to deny it, but he was so open and honest-looking, so undemanding, she found herself smiling. ‘Guilty.’

  Aidan sighed dramatically. ‘Surgeons get all the hot women. You know, you really should give a male nurse a go. We’re very good with anatomy and we have a much better bedside manner. Plus—although I can’t speak for anyone else—we’re always exceedingly grateful.’

  Olivia laughed, finally relaxing and enjoying the man’s company. ‘I’m afraid my heart was a done deal a long time ago.’

  ‘Clearly the man’s an A-grade fool.’

  Olivia smiled. ‘Yes. He’s the top of his class.’

  ‘Well, you know, having drunken sex with a lowly male nurse is a great revenge tactic.’

  Olivia supposed she should have been shocked or affronted by Aidan’s forthright conversation but she wasn’t either. His tone was light and his gaze was flirty. She didn’t feel threatened or unsafe. Just amused—and God knew she needed a laugh about now.